Vice President Cheney Threatens Iran With War

Category Politics | Permalink | 26. February 2007

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US Vice President Dick Cheney threatened Iran with war in a speech in Sydney, Australia on Friday, saying that Israel and Big Oil and Big Bankers “had ordered him” to make the threat.

“Iran interferes with Israel’s ongoing theft of Palestinian land and with the anti-Palestinian aparthied system identified by Jimmy Carter in his new book,” said Cheney. “Iran is also leading the world away from the US dollar and the USA is going broke cause the world pretty well stopped buying our worthless treasury bonds in December, and this will only get worse.”

“So my masters in Tel Aviv and in New York and at Big Oil have ordered me to go to war against Iran,” continued Cheney, “Just like they ordered me to go to war against Iraq. Just think of all that oil we can grab from Iran, just like we are grabbing from Iraq to boost the profits of Exxon Mobil!”

The VIP bluntly declared, “I would guess that that fool Senator John McCain and I are pretty close to agreement on this, since we are both in the pockets of the same lobby groups: oil, Israel, and the war industry.”

“Since I am the chief architect of the illegal US-led invasion of Iraq, I can do anything I want since the world community doesn’t have the nuts to try me and George for what we really are: war criminals,” boasted Cheney.

“Who cares if Iran sinks both of our US aircraft carrier groups there with those supersonic Russian cruise missiles?” he continued. “Our soldiers have no future anyway and they might as well end up in body bags rather than being homeless and without medical care and jobless in America. Giving their lives and blood for oil and Israel and US t-bills is a really good thing to do.”

Cheney provided no evidence at all to back his bald assertion that Iran is seeking to build nuclear weapons.

“Everyone knows that Iran’s uranium enrichment program is peaceful and is not trying to build nuclear bombs, which Israel and the USA already have in abundance,” said Cheney. “Under the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty (NPT), any country has the right to pursue the peaceful uses of nuclear power as Iran is doing. After all, Iran’s oil supplies are limited.”
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“In fact, the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) has found that all of the allegations by the CIA and the US government are an unfounded pack of lies,” admitted Cheney. “There is absolutely no positive evidence that Iran has a nuclear weapons program.”

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s2i15448

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