Christina Aguilera Likes It Naked
Category Magazine | Permalink | 10. February 2007
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As many of you already know, Christina Aguilera appeared on “Ellen” earlier today and confessed to the world that she and her husband Jordan Bratman like to partake in this little thing called “Naked Sunday” – a day in which they do everything in the nude. This includes, but is not limited to, daily routines such as cooking, eating, watching TV, berating the help, getting all coked up, answering e-mails about why she married a guy who looks like he spent the first twenty years of his life chained to a wall in the basement, convincing the pizza delivery man that Jordan is not a hypnotist, and, most shockingly of all, having sex.
For those of you who are seeing this interview for the first time – no doubt because you live in one of the “flyover” states, or, as I like to call them, “we tend to limit our lesbian exposure to stoning them at barbeques and school functions instead of watching them grind with audience members on TV” states – this revelation of Christina’s will be quite a shock to you. Something I can certainly understand since I’m sure that your Sundays are usually reserved for church and cooking for your daddy as he watches football.
If anything, I hope you at least find some comfort in knowing that Christina and her husband probably don’t leave the house that much on Sunday, and that when they do, it’s probably not to attend church, but to get more coke. And I’m not talking about the kind of coke you pick up at Target either. I’m talking about that pure Colombian nose candy. The kind of stuff that makes you want to do something completely immoral like attend church naked and accept communion with your ass.
You know what? Just forget what I said. The moral corruption of Christina and Jordan knows no bounds. “Naked Sunday” is the beginning of the end. Somebody hold me.
Editor’s Note: Yes, I do think it’s entirely possible for me to make my sentences even longer, but that’s only because I’m a man who dares to dream. Thanks for the question.
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